Animals and passing: How Much Can the Heart Hold

When I think back to the time when I moved to Seattle, I was just finding myself able to cope with the loss of my cat, Ronnie. He was a chap who would parade around the house and all the other cats, 4 more at that time, would stand up and take notice. He, who like my recent chap, Christopher, was inclined to leap upon my paperwork when there was something awry. He, who like a soaring bullet, would stake a claim at my side when it was inclined that I take some sort of action that, unbeknownst to me, was inclining or inclined. And when I realized that something was up or needed doing, that my friend was the instigator of the notification.

When I think about my life with Christopher, I remember how it felt to reveal his head against my hand, or to come up short of his stance as I came to a standstill, or to run toys across the carpet only to instill his joy upon my heart.

And now that he is gone, I wonder how much the heart can hold, for it certainly belies my response to what I think, except that I know in faith that what it calls me to do is to relax around the grief, to send healing prayers to those whom he touched, and to revel in the experience that was mine for a short while.

He touched not only those who were known to be ‘animal lovers’ but also those who saw our interaction and realistically couldn’t make heads or tails of the meaning, but could feel the bond, the love, and the devotion that we had for one another.

When he was foretold to me to be the one who had come to help me through a difficult period of my life - because I saw on a daily basis that he helped me in so many ways and there was no disputing the fact that if I could rely on his poise in terms of where he stood and what he inclined me to do – that I could work on my healing and so could survive through a troubled time when I could not make sense of my health on my own because I was not listening to the wisdom of my body to tell me what to do so that it could heal and become healthy once again.

When I think about what was entailed to bring me back to health, I credit not only my family members and friends and doctors and practitioners, but also the reliable and faithful help from Christopher, who stood by me during the worst mood swings and unpredictable behaviors, patiently and calmly waiting it out so that he could move me in the direction of food, or water, or rest.

I understand now how animals can signal a seizure or other anomaly because I saw it with my own eyes. There is something that animals, in general, are able to see, and I would call it an ‘inner knowing’ except that what I realize is that it has something to do with how the body processes are related to what is next on its agenda, whether it be food, drink, rest, or other means. And so if I were to name it, it would occur to me that it is akin to mechanics of the body, a shift in its energy, perhaps, and so I would be inclined to call it ‘energetic perception’.

And so, I was constantly taking signals from Christopher, and what I found was that he was reliable, almost to a ‘T’. However, what I needed to do was to learn myself how to support the body insofar as feeding myself appropriately so as to incline it toward health.

I would care to mention that when Christopher passed away, I felt that he had done his service for this lifetime and that he was in need of a good rest! And I felt that when I could feel how it felt to have such a presence in my life, who faithfully day in and day out took the time and patiently waited, his back turned to me but intentional and forthright, that I had a very special presence in my life, one who knew what joy was because he expressed it so clearly to me, as the outcome of my understanding that what he wanted solely was my wellbeing. And when I was on the mend and could understand that to truly have health, I needed to diligently pay attention to all aspects of what I was taking in to myself, that then it was his time to rest.

When I think about how much the heart can hold, I can truly say, that as a testimony to my cat, it can hold an ocean of love and a fountain of joy and if I can even mimic a small portion of that which was given to me on a daily basis for many years, then I would say that I lived the right way.